In preparation for a neighborhood pool party, Stan tells his family to get in tip-top shape. But when an accident ruins the Smith family name, a humiliated Stan fakes his family's deaths and moves everyone out of Langley Falls to escape his shame.

Roger studies crime scene photography; Stan bullies Steve in hopes of toughening him up.

When Roger and Francine go wine-tasting, Roger plants a big kiss on Francine in a drunken moment. Francine decides to tell Stan about this incident, but when they sit down to talk, Roger convinces Stan that Francine started it all.

After Roger and Francine are victims of a mugging, Roger joins the police academy so he can learn how to defend himself and his loved ones, but he falls in with a corrupt cop who leads him astray. Meanwhile, Hayley's new friendship threatens her long-term relationship.

Francine questions her relationship with Stan when his more romantic cyborg counterpart from the future arrives; Roger directs Steve and his pals in a remake of "The Goonies".

When Stan admits that his heroes include Ronald Reagan and the 1980 U.S. Olympic Hockey Team, including Michael Eruzione and Rob McClanahan, Roger confesses that he played on the team as Chex LeMeneux. But when Roger comes clean that he took steroids to win, they both lose. Meanwhile, Reginald tries to win over Hayley by taking her to a concert.

Stan puts down liberal social programs because he thinks they're a waste of money and gives Francine a hard time for lending a helping hand at the local homeless shelter. When Stan develops a nasty addiction and needs help, he suddenly has a change of heart.

When Francine demands that Stan get rid of his gas-guzzling SUV because it's draining the family of money, he hatches a plan with Roger at the local horse track to avoid giving up his ride. Meanwhile, it's up to Steve and his friends to help out an old friend.

The Rapture happens on Christmas Eve, and Stan is left behind.